#holy shit i just want them to be okay
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how. how am i supposed to survive when THIS
is how stolas and vias relationship ends for the season. how. i have my head in my hands. i cannot do this.
#guys#vias song ate so hard#but#i have tears running down my face#jesus fucking christ#im DEVESTATED#the entire time via and stolas were fighting was.#heartbreaking#and the end#stolas's sobbing#broke me#hats off to the voice actor#BUT STILL#holy shit i just want them to be okay#i cant do this.#sinsmas#helluva boss#stolitz#octavia#stolas#helluva boss sinsmas#hb sinsmas
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I couldn’t be a minecraft creator because if I was doing freaky gay roleplay with my friends and then got called siblings I would just end it all
#anyways mcyt fan culture makes me fucking insane I hate how it’s devolved into this#I bet nobody even cares about cc boundaries it’s just about being cool and parasocial with them#they don’t know you they don’t care. make their Minecraft characters kiss#they’re saying what you want them to say so they’ll stop being bombarded with annoying questions every day#also holy SHIT please stop making every woman have a familial dynamic#it’s ok for women to not always be the mom or the sister or whatever!!! it’s okay!!!!!!!#women can have relationships! why are you ignoring them and making everything about men!!!#I need to stop looking at the lifesteal fandom. I just get frustrated everytime I do
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what she says: yea i’m fine
what she’s thinking: the story brought both carpenter and faulkner to their inevitable end points that have been foreshadowed from the v first episode of the show ambiguity of carpenters death aside she stood on the banks of the river singing like her nana glass and was gunned down by the military and faulkner was drowned dragged delivered by the god and story he had let devour him but. but. before those things happened right before the narrative reached its end both of them stood up and said no! i want to go forward! i want to find something past this whatever it might be i don’t want it to take me yet im going to keep on walking! and it was too late! the thing is it was too fucking late!!!!!!! the aquifer was already flooding the soldiers were closing in she was to hurt to run he can’t swim. the chance had come and gone at the beginning of the episode for any hope of them reaching each other ever again but even though it was too little too late never ever going to be enough they both looked the site of their doom in the eyes and said i do not accept this. not here. not now. i am staring at you– the thing that will eat me — and resolving to pry open the jaws and choose to use the last moments of my life (whether i know it or not) to run and stumble and crawl and cry and sing in the hopes of reaching the people who matter to me more than being made your meal. and of course they got fucking eaten anyways. of course they did bc they were walking towards it from the beginning. but there is a way out, there is a way forward, there is a land beyond the storm that is possible to reach if you choose to step out of the story that has been built for you to find it. we walk on, with a rough and tarnished hope, and a tangled, ruined love. it can end with love, and it can end with kindness. even as the jaws are closing. ours is a world of miracles.
#unrelated but i fucking knew he was blond i knew it from episode one. vindication.#is this anything. i don’t know if this is anything. i just have a lot of feelings okay.#this might be too much of an optimistic read re both of their last moments but i think the themes are very much there#and baked into the finale. none of them wanted to be eaten man.#also schrödingers carpenter and faulkner realizing she was right and going after her at THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND#are two narrative choices that are going to haunt me until the end of time. like holy shit they really did that huh.#*stares in podcast rambling*#tsv#the silt verses#tsv s3#the silt verses season 3#tsv spoilers#the silt verses spoilers
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)
This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)
I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)
Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!
Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!
He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!
Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.
Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:
I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao
Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)
Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:
He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.
To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.
Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)
A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~
The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D
No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.
I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:
He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)
And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:
Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:
Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)
whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now
I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stanley pines#the love god#human bill cipher#human bill design#fashion design#comics#poor stan gets to find out his twin boinked a triangle when the love god shows up at the mystery shack demanding payment LMAO#cue internal panic for stan as dipper and mabel lose their collective shit over the fact that they now have a surprise new grunkle bill#the love god helps himself get paid by teaching the kids how to trap bill in his human vessel for the foreseeable future#bill is bewildered and pissed but also very much 'holy shit i have a FAMILY again??? neat but terrifying??????? what the F*CK do i do now'#he then proceeds to attempt to lovebomb his new family into being okay with the impending apocalypse#all while the three of them attempt to lovebomb HIM into giving up his plans for said impending apocalypse#then two days later ford shows up and is just like. what the ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING???#cue stan immediately screaming 'I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE THAT THING'S HUSBAND FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT SO F*CK YOU AND YOUR BAD TASTE FOR THAT!'#stan spends those two days straight dropping very sour hints that he's being punished for someone else's terrible mistakes#bill finds this absolutely hilarious and thus plays along - but not without dropping his own hints that ford is the FAR superior twin#dipper and mabel have ZERO idea of what is actually going on because the love god did NOTHING to clarify the situation#dipper is convinced that stan and bill are speaking in some kind of bizarre code that only adults can understand#mabel is convinced that the code is flirting - which means stan and bill are going to live happily ever after and have tons of kids + pets#NEITHER of them are prepared for ford showing up. not that they were in canon. but still. now it's even MORE crazy#'what do you mean we get TWO NEW GRUNKLES???' 'two grunkles in two days - gotta be some kinda record'#ford then has to decide if he wants to remain justifiably furious at bill or join the other pines in lovebombing him into submission#he then gets to learn that lovebombing bill works surprisingly well because that triangle is just The Biggest Attention Wh*re#the entire AU would just be ridiculous antics with a splash of billford#these tags are an abomination lmao
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im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:
videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.
and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.
this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.
there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.
there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.
for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.
i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.
here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."
eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.
we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.
"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"
thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.
it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.
an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.
and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."
#and there's something else in there about like ....#tbh once i got over something like 1k followers#i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON.#yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc#but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about#in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers#bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like#jesus christ lord almighty#every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me#each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!!#their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was#fucking cottagecore !!!!#like girlie this person needs THERAPY#again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc#bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this#and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!#aND THEY ARE!!!#something something something they know this content makes them money#they don't give a SHIT about u babe
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guys. guys the similarities. guys listen to me
#WHY ARE THERE SO MANY EVIL WOMEN THAT CORNERED YOU IN A DARK ABANDONED ROOM IN YOUR LIFE BOOK#i feel like shes always being emotionally or physically attacked by everything around her no matter what situation shes in#book you poor poor sopping wet cat of a contestant#its obvious shes kinda messed up emotionally by the things shes done but its also the little things looking back#freesmart left her in that shipwreck alone. in fairness el trapped her in but pencil almost immediately said she made a “noble sacrifice”#but she didnt sacrifice anything. she was just a victim and youre leaving her behind#not only was that memory probably fresh in her mind when she was again cornered in tpot 9#so was the knowledge that this time it wasn’t an outer force that was doing it. it was her own teammate#death is meaningless in the grand scheme of things in the bfdi universe. we know this.#but considering book has always been thrown away by the people she trusts the simple act of killing her for a challenge feels so much worse#because it further drives in the idea that she isn’t worth nearly as much to them as they are to her#they can kill her or leave her at the mercy to someone else that wants to and not feel bad abiut it. because why should they#but she’ll always be desperately trying to protect the ones she loves because she never felt protected herself#holy shit okay.#moral of the story um. book knows a lot of evil women. pencil is the worst. book needs therapy. bye#bfdi#battle for dream island#book#bfdi book#i think i need to just make regular character analysis posts instead of terrorizing thw tags#osc#bfdia
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Atlas n Frank...
theyre best buddies (TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!)
funky lil alt under the cut :-)
i hate these guys so much they're literally all i fucking think abt on a daily basis its horrible /silly
(i could go. on and on abt them in this. au honestly . the whole au IS technically abt them anyways sooo)
#bioshock#frank fontaine#atlas bioshock#bioshock atlas#bioshock fanart#my post ‼️#frank nibbles fontaine ily#Maritime's Conundrum ‼️#cw eyestrain#eyestrain#(just in case!!)#this is kinda. shitty cuz im recovering from illness#but my brain. DEMANDED i draw them so#Frank and That Fucking Bird That I Hate <3#does anyone actually. read my ramblings? cuz i be writing it up down here#anyways i think they should k- (Horse runs past) HOLY SHIT DID UU SEE THAT????#i love them honestly i think they're both such good characters#they have. so much potential as a duo i swear please.listen to me#idgaf. that they're the same guy.. let them interact n hold hands n goof off they both deserve it :-(#its my au i can do whatever i want!!!!!#I AM. WORKING ON AN AU EXPLANATION POST. i just needa make. some art for it :-)#okay illness is claiming me again uhh listen to Dance Dance by fob#shoutout. to whoever is reading this cuz man im yapping
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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^ face of someone (me) who just finished the arcane finale
#GOODNIGHT I NEED TO PROCESS#im STRUCK#there r tears rolling down my cheeks fuck this damn show😭😭 (affectionate. this is the peak of all media ever)#okay yall arcane spoilers#arcane#arcane s2#that ending was honestly SO well done#the WHOLE finale#and all the rest lmao#but fucking GOD#the cycle....and the way each character was considered within..just- SO GOOD#and ekko......#and JAYCE oml yall better take back all the shit tbh he's genuinely become such an intriguing character throughout s2#and going to admit. i did Not care abt him in s1 sry😞#but the s2 arc has been captivating from the start and jayce is NO exception#also viktor's eyes im so glad we got to see them again. ohhh the irony of grief and relief mean SO much to me#his eyes. mean sm to Me. doomed scientist yaoi i lov e u#and mel.....omg not much to say regarding initial thoughts. im afraid haha. buuut i wanted to learn more about her link to the black rose#LOVED ambessa. her characterisation was so brilliantly captivating that i dont think i ever rlly hated her lmao#and jinxx omfg im sick. i love her so much. oh fucking hell ep7 killed me actually. im dead.#the sisters r so close all throughout the show and i loved the little direct confirmation of this like i actually started crying then#and VI oh my goddddd vi. could write a thesis on her. the visual rep of the lessening of her guilt after jinx. with singing. with acceptanc#oh fml im going a little insane i love this show so much#and VANDERRR and the beast and FUCK how even at the end he covered jinx.#i love how the show covered her end. it feels like a sigh of relief. the final breath. u end up hoping the best for her.#OH MAN THE MUSIC STARTED AND I STARTED CRYING SO HARD.#this is s1 ep3 all over again#oh and HOLY SHIT we got lesbian sex im ECSTATIC. thannk u fortiche for the whole show but yeah. especially. uhm. this.#okay im loggin off now i need to clock out and sleep. process my thoughts and then word vomit tmr.#nyx talks shit
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I read the latest Percy Jackson books and THEN I reread the Heroes of Olympus series and THEN I read the Kane Chronicles/Percy Jackson crossover short stories
and I have one conclusion
which is that Percy and Annabeth are SO CUTE TOGETHER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#I am FERAL holy SHIT AAAAAAAAAAA#they're just constantly thinking adorable shit about each other#in the third Kane Chronicles crossover Percy thinks about having a child with Annabeth some day HELLO????#(okay yes he thought that in Son of Neptune as well but that was a more nebulous way than in the crossover)#I think the reason I like them so much together is bc their relationship feels so genuine#books that come right out the gate with the romance lose me#but Annabeth and Percy LITERALLY went through hell together OF COURSE they have a deep bond#anyways if you want TOP TIER Percabeth and also Grover is there moments#I HIGHLY recommend the senior year adventures or whatever the new books are called#the stakes are MUCH lower and they're not really on quests per se#so they're just like. vibing together. living life.#and it's SO GOOD it's SO GOOD it KILLS ME#there's a moment in the new one where Percy kisses Annabeth and Grover like grumbles#so Percy and Annabeth get on either side of Grover and kiss his cheeks and Grover's like ''....better''#I am BACK on my Olympian Falls bullshit so get ready#speecher speaks
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vent in tags sorry
cw: mention of loss
#adding a long note to the beginning so no one sees the actual vent in the case that they don’t want to which is absolutely okay#okay that’s probably good#i feel like a failure today.#my car wouldn’t start on friday and i haven’t had a moment to actually call a mechanic until today#called early in the morning and he said he’d call me back with a time#i’ve reached out multiple times since then and have heard NOTHING#if i don’t get it fixed today i’ll have to take my partners car instead#and when i asked them if that would possibly be okay#they started off on a rant about how they were planning to do all this shit tomorrow morning and now can’t if they don’t have their car#but genuinely. how tf was i supposed to know about their plans?? why did they have to say it all like this is completely my fault???#i’m sorry that i’m still in a not so good mental place right now and might forget to do things in a more timely manner#i’ve had two grandparents pass away in the span of a few WEEKS. give me a little grace.#i give them the same understanding every day when they’re having a rough time#so why can’t they offer me the same thing?#i know they’re just stressed and tired and busy but FUCK SO AM I#i’m just. over it. i want to go to sleep.#and by sleep i mean literal sleep i’m not insinuating anything darker i promise#i may be in a rough spot mentally but it is not that kind of rough <3 i’m safe#just. very tired. and in need of support.#i feel like i’m always giving and rarely getting support in this relationship.#and now i’m just feeling like a burden and an inconvenience for even needing the extra support in the first place#the urge to run away and start my life over is strong holy shit
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okay I now can elaborate on the thoughts I was talking abt in the tags of my last post-
Jamil has always hated being touched, and physical contact in general. He was raised around kalim, he's had enough hugs for a lifetime, thank you.
well, that is until he started dating Azul.
Azul is very clingy. Physically, at least. He is an octopus, after all. He finds comfort in just, having any kind of contact with someone. It keeps him grounded and focused. So once he has permission, he can and will hang off of Jamil every chance he gets. Jamil doesn't like holding hands (because his training has instilled the need to constantly have them free just in case) so Azul hangs off of his elbow. If they're in class, Azul either has his hand on top of his arm or his hand.
and Jamil realizes... he doesn't mind it. In fact, he enjoys it. Way more than he thinks he should in fact. It relaxes him so much that it almost unnerves him (the first time he found himself dozing off while Azul laid in his lap doing god knows what he quite literally shoved him off in shock.)
belatedly, he figures out that he is in fact, VERY touch starved, he is just very particular about how someone touches him.
it's silence. He likes silence. Azul rarely ever talks when he's laying with him, usually doing other work or something for the Monstro lounge. When kalim would run up and hug him, he knew it just meant he was about to be bombarded with questions and ideas and statements and work. He never gets to relax with Kalim. It always came with noise, with chaos. While being around Azul was like lying on the beach, with nothing but the soft crashes of the waves to bother him.
(Of course, this wasn't every time. Azul was still a schemer and quite annoying, but he quickly learned that if Jamil wasn't in the mood to entertain his ramblings or schemes, he'd simply shove him off of his lap. It always made Azul quite disgruntled, but he'd take the hint and shut up.)
This also lead into another thing: Their forms of nonverbal communication. Azul and Jamil could easily have a whole conversation from opposite sides of a room when they got along. Jamil knew all of Azul’s little ticks (like whenever he fucking clicks, something he learned was an octopus thing (which begged the question of how the fuck he made that noise in his human form-) or when he randomly slaps Jamil or the twins, who then immediately told him it was a sign of affection and he should be immensely flattered over (apparently it was something he only ever did lightly with friends, which he has concerningly little of. But Jamil doesn’t know if he has much room to talk on that front.) and Azul knew Jamil’s. Azul almost knew his too well, in fact, but every time Jamil tried to ask him about it he was simply met with some comment about how ‘he simply couldn’t keep his eyes off of him.’
Jamil still didn’t like people touching him.
Azul was an exception though. And he was quite happy about that.
#Holy shit this was WAY LONGER than I meant it to be-#Azujami#jamiazu#twst#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#okay so this was just#An idea I had#Idk I love taking like little ideas and running with them#Also just. Listen. They would be SUCH a strong couple#Azul is right they probably could take over the world together#But anways#i think that Jamil should be allowed to be a sap for Azul more#I want more content where Jamil’s like “I hate almost everyone but this bastard (affectionate) wormed his way into my heart#And now I tolerate (like) him.”#He’d remember the small little details (bc he always had to to save his life before)#also more feral and pathetic Azul propaganda#If your gonna make them mermen STICK TO IT#Azul has THREE HEARTS BLUE BLOOD and sharper front teeth that look a lil bit like an octopus beak!!!#The potion only makes them look human#Everything internal stays the same#Azul blushing blue propaganda
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Pay it Forward
Grif taught Carolina how to relax. So obviously, she's going to repay that . . . in her own special way.
Remember Eproth's really awesome fake April Fools trailer called RVB Heros? Aside from how amazingly badass that was, there's a three second scene that shows Carolina and Simmons doing hand to hand combat, and I for one just thought that was like, the best. Anywho, I just think they should hang out. They can vent together over having shitty Dads with expectations too high that only lead to disappointment, anger management issues, and not listening to their partners.
#rvb#red vs blue#rvb simmons#rvb carolina#i've been meaning to do something with them bonding#originally it was gonna be a mess sketch of them like baking something for Grif#but then I went with this instead#inspired by another post#Background is a screenshot from S15#*sigh* I need to get 15 on Bluray#Anywho have this art that took me like 3 or 5 hours#can we all just like#fund Eproth to make a more satisfying ending?#mostly jk cause im broke as shit but holy damn if I was as rich as Elon I'd just buy the RvB IP and hire everyone back and say#Okay so you've got 9 years to give me the best god damn thing ever - I want the SoC fight and Grimmons canon - the sky is the limit#i say 9 years cause it would come out as a 30th year celebration special spectacular#N E WHO... Let's all just dream and draw and write our own canons we all want
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i think i want the kids a little more fucked up from ascending. i want god tiering to break you apart and put you back together with the same pieces in the wrong places, a nail in a coffin you were told was an altar. i want came back wrong but for the opposite of death
#choc talks#homestuck#homestuck meta#i think? i think. tell me if it's not#“they've been through enough” i say#as i drive a stake between their ribs#like okay i already have Such an Idea of what it means to go from mortal -> god in any piece of media#but in homestuck#holy shit#the fact that god tiers are literally titles and roles people play in a narrative#im not gonna go on about this again because ive said it So Many Times in So Many Posts (read: two)#but#i want them to come back feeling othered from their selves i want them to come back with bones that shifted imperceptibly#i want ascension to feel like an end of something that was all that you were#and now you're something Else#i want it to be grief#sorry i'm not entirely literate right now just take this
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#and there's something else in there about like ....#tbh once i got over something like 1k followers#i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON.#yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc#but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about#in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers#bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like#jesus christ lord almighty#every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me#each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!!#their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was#fucking cottagecore !!!!#like girlie this person needs THERAPY#again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc#bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this#and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!#aND THEY ARE!!!#something something something they know this content makes them money#they don't give a SHIT about u babe
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